I Don't Like Winter

I haven't been keeping up very well with this blog.  Although, I must admit, I have been very busy.   There have been several "adventures" and a play.  There has also been a bout of stomach bug and the flu in our household.

My parents and niece came to visit and we all survived that as well. Somehow through all of the excitement and sickness I managed to stay healthy!  Sheer will power or a steely constitution... who knows?

I'm very very tired though.  I stay up too late and have to get up too early.  Six in the morning every day is taking it's toll on me.  I wish the hubby would get up one day a week and take the girls to school.  I just need to ask him. I know it would make me very happy to have a day to sleep in one a week.

Spring is just around the corner but you would never know it by the temperatures.  I think I just saw a snow flurry go by.  It has been in the 30's for about three days now.  UGH! I DESPISE the winter. I hate being cold.  I am ready for sunshine, barefeet, working in the garden and days beside the pool.

This cold stuff is getting me down.

ICK!

"ME" Mom Extraordinaire!

Well, it seems the husband and I are both concerned about the same things, but not in the same way.

 I am lonely and lacking in social interactions with adults.  

He believes I am spending too much time on social media.  I think he believes I walk around with my eyes constantly glued to my cell phone and scrolling endlessly and mindlessly through Facebook all day long.  As tempting as that may be, I really don't have time for that kind of dedication. My days are filled with household duties, errands and chauffeuring.  I seem to always be driving somewhere! and laundry....  laundry is never ever ending! He believes I am depressed. I'm not depressed. I've been there and I know what that feels like.  This isn't it.  This is more of a bored and treading water kind of feeling.  Doing the same things over and over and over.  

I have begun to feel that I have found as social black hole.  I hardly ever see any of my "girl friends". Part of it is because as the years have gone by, I find my interests and beliefs aren't lining up with some of my friends. Another reason is our children are starting to make more direct choices in what activities they want to be involved.  We are are going separate ways and that's okay. Sadly, my two girls have chosen activities where there isn't too much mom interaction.  You don't find a huge group of moms sitting around chatting out at the horse barn.  You don't find too many of them hanging out at play rehearsals either.  There are more at the theatre but there just isn't too much social interaction happening.  

I am making an effort to reconnect.  I am setting up a weekly coffee time and a once a month mom's night out for dinner.  I hope that through these two activities we can all start feeling closer to each other again.  (When I do see my friends they are telling me they are feeling out of touch as well.)

I am not depressed.  Am I as happy as I could be? Probably not. I don't get much time to do things I want to do.  I want to bake.  I want to audition for a play.  I want to do crafty type things in my craft room.  I want to write more!  It's just very hard to do these things when you are taking care of everyone else first.  The time just isn't there for all the things I want and need to do.

My job right now is Mom Extraordinaire!  I get that, and I am doing my best to embrace it and be the best "ME" I can be.  (That's kind of funny... didn't plan it that way but it works)  It means making sure there is a hot meal everyday: even if it comes from Burger King.  It means no one is asking me why they don't have clean underwear or socks or jeans.  It means two very active and involved girls get to all their activities on time and with the right equipment, music, scripts, clothes,.....

It means I get them up for school and take them on time, pick them up on time, watch their grades, help them with homework, encourage them, love them, comfort them...  It also means making sure our home is a welcoming, safe, loving environment for my kids and husband to come home to each day.  

Here's the catch:  sometimes I don't want to take care of everyone else anymore. I don't want to cook dinner, I don't want to go to the grocery store, I don't want to drive anyone anywhere. Sometimes I don't want to sit out at the barn for two hours or the theatre for two hours.  I'm tired of washing and folding laundry when no one puts the clean clothes away.  I'm tired of listening to my husband talk about all the problems he has had at work and how difficult his day was.   How he wishes sometimes he could switch places with me. I get frustrated that there isn't anyone to listen to my hard day. Why can't I go out and do something that I enjoy?  Because that would take me away from doing all the things the family needs me to do.  

I'm tired.  I'm bored.  I need a creative outlet.  I haven't felt that great in about three months.  Between Thanksgiving and  Christmas I came down with shingles.  Shingles HURT!! Shingles makes you tired.  I haven't really felt quite the same since then.  I feel tired all the time. Not lethargic, but tired, like I need a nap ALL THE TIME.  I went and had blood work to see if something is going on with vitamins or my thyroid or anything else medically.  Should know by next week.  I have gained a lot of weight and I'm not happy with that.  I feel fat and I have icky scars on my face now where I had the shingles...yeah they were on my face! 

I would probably feel better if I started eating healthier again and working out on a regular schedule. It has just become extremely difficult with the schedules of my other family members.  Organizing time for me has just not been easy so I kind of gave up.  Oops!  

Time to get back to work on me too!  I can't be my best "ME" if I'm slacking on myself.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Well, something new for 2017.  This has a somewhat "Wonderland" feel to it.  Why? Well, my girls are both performing in an upcoming production of "Alice in Wonderland Jr.".  The songs, poetry, and images of Lewis Carroll's work and the subsequent movies are much on my mind lately.

My daughters have moved to the Middle School this year. Sixth grade has become a real challenge for me. I was worried about their transition.  For the most part they are doing well, I'm the one who is struggling.  It has left me feeling like Alice about to open the door... what am I going to find behind the door today?  Will it make me taller or smaller?  and WHO am I?  All very good questions I seem to be dealing with lately.

It has been a very long time since I have written on a regular basis.  I think I need to remedy this issue and so, I have created this new blog.  I'm debating whether or not to include a link to my old blog here or not...  We'll see. As of right now, I'm thinking no.  I think I want this one to stand alone.  That was a very different time of my life.  I think it's time to close that door, jump down the rabbit hole and see what's behind this one.